f* things

m seriously demotivated recently, and it kills when m supposed to be in the exam mode.

Sitting in front of my laptop for hours (should be for days) without any strenuous movement, but still freaking starving all the time (though normal meals are in supply), exactly the same way the vampire craving for blood, I guess.


Time shouldn't be wasted like this. Life shouldn't be in this way either.

m seriously hopeless man...

''Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.'' by Abraham Lincoln shall bring me back to the reality...

Well, let's call it a post.

Pieces of iT~

Hai blog,

I skipped two classes deliberately this morning simply because I didn't prepare for the Tort's time-test which supposed to be carried on during the first class of today.

Yea,''supposed''...because I just got to know that Ms. Gan was lecturing without even mentioning a word of the test! Means, I missed a lecture=(

Of course I'm feeling guilty for skipping classes but laziness 'conquered' me, which shouldn't be fun, at all!
*''Laziness kills'' in practice!!*


To shift my attention from that, I have chosen something 'meaningful' to do, you are right, that's to blog.

Few pictures have been selected, edited and uploaded from my messy folders to share with you.

Those are some of my best friends here in college, who perfecting the ordinary life of mine......

Apa lu mau ??!

心情乱糟糟的，又烦又忙，还是又忙又烦？是忙到让我烦？还是忙着烦又要忙着忙？？！

真的很烦啊！！！！！

我不抗拒课业或生活所带来的压力，毕竟压力就是动力，但是请提升我的抗压power好吗？！

在家的时候可以看看一望无际的‘稻海’来解压、放松心情；

在这里叻，四面都是钢骨水泥，不被逼死才怪！

想回去见见‘乡亲’；想回去闻闻有浓浓稻草香和泥味的新鲜空气；想回去趴在有我满满口水味的床垫上；想回去和邻居的小孩比赛踩脚踏车、玩捉迷藏；想每天都吃到妈妈煮的饭菜、煲的汤

··· ···

有很多好想做的事，却有更多的约束 （借口！！）

其中，有一件不想做的事情就是---不想再偷偷看爸爸的背影

请原谅我的语无伦次！

谢谢！！

I said, dilemma.

Recently, I seem to have more passion towards Buddhism, I attended a few ativities under KDUBSC and I assuming myself to have benefited quite a lot from it. Maybe you will think that participating in activites like this isn't a big deal but for me it does. For person like me,who was quite resisting to religious-related things,I developed passion towards it once I took the chance to know it better.This is just like the philosophy of a relationship or life,where we dislike a person due to the reason that we never know him/her well, but once we try to know them,the situation changed, in a positive manner.

My problem now is that I don't know whether should I take the refuge under Buddha Dharma or not. To persuade myself to take the refuge, I appoached myself to the question sounds ''Why should we take the refuge under Buddha Dharma and what is the benefit for doing that?'' Geshela, a venerable resident teacher of a buddist society,LCD PJ, said that refuge has the power of multiplying our merits to 100 millions times, it somehow inlustrates that we will not be born into the hell in the 'coming-life' for sure (if you do believe in things like this).

'Journey to the hell' is not my main concern here, as I can really foresee the benefits of learning Buddhism in a proper manner, with the fact that there must be a reason for numerous believers out there and I, myself to a certain extent do have gotten something from it. Regardless of the merit we will obtain from it, I can only choose one among a number of beneficial religions around me, including my original religion, Taoism. Once, somebody asked Geshela can we still attach to our original religion after we have taking the refuge, and Geshela's answer was that when we already have something which is the best, and there is nothing better than ours, why should we approach the other ? So did my mother tell me before, she told me that when we already have something which is considered good to us and comfortable with, it is just enough to stick to one and put our faith on it whatsoever.

This has in fact worsen my situation, in the sense that when everyone is taking good about their own, which one should I choose? I know that I have to be ''loyal'' to only one of them, but I really can't make my decision now. Should I take the refuge and precepts under the Buddha Dharma without my parent's consent, given that I am sure they will not agree with me if I were to tell them the truth in the first place?However, I choose to believe that they will be thinking in a different manner if I were to prove to them that I am getting better with this 'new teaching'. Taking refuge is kind of a significant and transitional moment which may affect the rest of the life, at least to me personally, so I really need some guidances now...

I，Me，My，Mine？

或许一直以来就是因为太执着于自己的想法，所以让身边的人觉得我很难相处，进而选择把自己关在自己的世界里许久，当个孤僻的人。
有人主张一个人要有主见，才显得有个性、有想法；而往往当你太有主见时，人家就会说你不随和、霸道等的。
做人的道理一直都是自己摸索出来的，或许少了‘贵人’的指点会比别人领悟得慢很多，但是希望现在开始纠正也不迟。

结 〈下〉

写了那么多好像要让人家以为我有多委屈，吃了多少苦头才走过来的。拜托，没有人会了解你的啦，别人又不是你，就好像你无法体会他人的处境一样。所谓“事不关己，不关心”，在你心中留下痕迹的，最了不起的，在外人听来其实只是无聊透顶罢了。也不完全是不关心，而是无法体会，毕竟你我的生长环境各不相同嘛！
更何况这能算是何等的苦啊！

还记得当初站在十字路口时，有劝告说做事情不要不自量力，也有人说没尝试过怎么知道结果，那个时候是怎么想的不是很记得了,　有时侯雄心壮志的，有时侯懵懵懂懂的，就这样走到了这里。侥幸渡过一关，自知难度更高的挑战一直还在前方呢，所以还是送自己那句老掉牙的话,　“不要给自己后路”以此警惕，应该就能生存到最后吧，希望如此。。

接下来的每个学期应该要腾出更多的时间在课业上的，但是最近除了功课，课外活动和消遣也把时间表给塞满了,
是会有喘不过气的时候，但至少能够让我暂时忘却念家却无法回去所带来的‘痛苦’（是这样形容的吧？！），或许这样也好。。。

现在最想知道的事情就是到底有什么健康的方法可以让一个人时时刻刻都精力旺盛，还要是那种长期性的?

结〈上〉

哇 超过半年没上来整理了 真是太懒了啊！！

首先，恭喜所有顺利进级第二年的同学，没有的也不必灰心，检讨后继续努力可必就能成功了！那些跌倒后再站起来的朋友让我更佩服，是真的，因为换作是自己我也未必有勇气重新来过。

其实，一直觉得自己非常侥幸能够顺利进级第二年。很多人认为念学院的只要是学费缴足了就能够顺利毕业，以前的我也是那么想的，直到自己“亲身体验”后才对事情更了解一些。也许，接近所有的学院都属于见钱眼开，为了学院的名誉不惜把程度降到最低，让大多数“财神爷”过关以不致于误了财路啊！不幸的是我念的从课程编排、出题、批改到过不过关都非本学院能够掌控得了的。都怪自己没搞清楚这双联课程的‘真面目’而掉进‘陷阱’里头去了。

从第一年的第一个星期，讲师们就对我们强调说这课程一直是史上排名难度最高的法律课程前三名。在全球，每年考得1st class的不少，但是考得平平的或者不及格的更多，真正的数据我不记得了，只知道在马来西亚，每年考得1st class的人数是屈指可数啊！讲师们希望我们看清楚想明白自己的能力后才决定要不要继续念，或者转科系，还说接下来的压力不是每个人都能承受的，我说啊，这些讲师真‘倒米’。说当时心里没有顾虑是假的，但是毕竟没有多余的钱财与时间让我挥霍，所以只能不自量力的、硬着头皮的‘上阵’去，然后就把讲师的劝告抛到脑后去了。

真正能够体会讲师们说的是在考试的前三个月，那时候开始了解到这个玩笑是我所开不起的，我没有后路可走（这句话真绝！）。心里明白到只剩三个月的时间了，我必需得现实点，当初想拿最好的成绩的梦想真的只是个梦了，能不能及格还是个未知数呢。这段时间本应该是作最后冲刺的时候了，可是我才正开始找到念法律的要诀、才开始了解我在学的是什么。真的是迟了，不过很幸庆有讲师（还是叫老师亲切点）发现到我们华校生的困惑，他们让我们明白虽然我们是在起点输了其他人一大步，但是要过这关还是有可能的，前提是本身真的得付出，而且是高于其他人很多很多倍的努力，否则一切都属于空谈。当中就有一位出于华校的法律系精英，她背后所付出的我无法体会却让我很敬佩；另一位呢，属于现实派的精英，却在这三个内转用心理战略来激励我们，宛如有他在我们就看得到曙光般。他们的话最终成为我仅存的备战时刻的精神粮食，又或者说是我压力的支撑点。终于，我被迫抱着姑且一试的心态、假有信心的外表上‘战场’去了。

战场上，看到来自不同学院的，年龄层从18到大约50几的，有的信心满满，有的到最后一刻还紧包着笔记本死命啃的（我属于这临时抱佛脚这一派的），泄劲所能的持住颤抖的手在三小时内完整作答。把屁股粘在考椅上三小时没移动不是没试过，当初STPM就是这样子啊，可这一次作答的四题都是essay题，每题还最少要四页，四科都一样，那考官才考虑要不要让你过关呢。

五月二十一日，我完成了我第一个degree的第一个final的一半，另一半就看那些英国佬/婆批改官（小的无礼请您谅解）成不成全我了。。。

啼

凌晨5点18分，正当我阅读得正起劲的时候，突然间几声‘熟悉’的声音传起，刺激了我的感官，是鸡啼声耶~ 我心里想在这钢骨水泥的城市里怎么可能有人侍养家禽呢，随之，我打开窗口想寻找声音的源处，
同时，心血来潮的想把这一刻记载下来。

5点28分了，我还是没有头绪，鸡啼声频频响起之间还有个short break，大约30秒，老实说我真的有去算，是白痴吗？不，是好奇！
想来想去，还是不晓得鸡啼声何来，心想是不是这里的人不讨厌家禽带来的异味，所以没人去投诉呢？i don‘t know。

5点33分，鸡啼声变得每隔一分钟才响起。

5点35分，鸡啼声没了了。

39分，两声

。
。
。

这悦耳的声音让我忽然间好怀念家里那雨天后会带来‘特别味道’的旁院。。。好怀念。。。

hui~ 醒来啊！！！忘了等下的time test吗？！Ok, 待续。。。




p/s: 47分，那公鸡丝毫没有想休息的感觉反之那啼声更响亮、更频繁了。。上帝创造了这天然、365天不眠不休且定时响起的‘闹钟’，多神奇啊

Again ?!

My first semester break is ending in the moment, tomorrow gonna being well-prepared for a new sem and resolutions.

Looking back to what have I actually done in my past three-weeks time, well, I could say that I had done all I want to do except catching up the syllabus where I supposed and MUST do :<

My family and I went for four local vacations and it does fit its purpose - family time, relaxation, self-upgrading, etc lolz. While, not forget to mention about friends gathering too. Overall, I personally have had a marvellous time especially with my family, as it always seem hard to have the whole family to gather for a same and the only purpose. I really enjoy and appreaciate.