There's a sun, there's a sunflower

还有不到一天的时间我就暂时上天堂了。

痛苦和煎熬中有遗憾、悔不当初的感觉，同时却也带点成就感，加上那蠢蠢欲动的兴奋分子，和那迫不及待想要出走的心，天使与恶魔交集中。
告诉自己好好享受当下，再煎熬也不过还有那么十几个小时了，剩下的不要想太多，要有信仰，奇迹或许就会出现。（也只能这样盼望了。）

最不喜欢听人家劝自己说“不要灰心，你已经尽你最大的能力了”，或者外语版本的 "Be confident...as long as you have try your best, never get upset when you lose."
The problem is, I'm fed up not simply because of the fact of me losing out, but that of I never try my best, when I always need and have to.
*of course I'm still grateful towards your genuine concern.

When one says that one has tried one's best, does it imply that what s/he gets is the best that s/he can achieved of, which in other words mean that there is no more room for improvement? Well, my position is positive in this regard. And, I feel worst if this is the truth. Of course, one should never overestimate his or her personal capabilities, but equally, one should also never underestimate his/herself, you never know what you can do without trying to pass the threshold afterall.

Not to deny the facts that there are lots of people who always try their best, and everytime they did their best, they are moving on to another level of the best of the best. (This qualifies them for being role models of mine. ) Therefore, interpreting 'trying your best' would also mean that, try your best that you could at the time that you are in. Instead of focusing on 'the best of you', we now turn to the fact of 'the best of you in the circumstances' and this is applicable to all level of challenges. This, nevertheless, seems to bring no significant effect on the above stand. However, when one has really tried s/he best, what s/he can now do is to leave the rest to God.

p/s: God bless you.