When things happen in a constant negative manner, I know for a long time that something is wrong with me... I just don't have the gut to face it.
p/s: Doggie, is this how you usually look like, or, are you feeling down?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Insider or Outsider
Sometimes I just can't stop wondering if I need to be an outsider so to allow myself to present the true story of the insider at the expense of friendships... like Dan Humphrey in the Gossip Girl......
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
A little chapter of my life
There is so many things in life that we wish to accomplish and yet not everyone manage to do it all when we are capable of. Journey to the Mount Kinabalu, at least for me, an indication of another beginning of me doing something that I really want and love to. Sometimes, things go better when you least expected it.
I love Mother Nature more than I could think of, even though I grown up in a kampung (small village). I was once being told that I don't appreciate the nature because I'm with the nature. 'Mr. Know it all', that's who you think I am, but I'm who I think I am. I appreciate your thoughts and critics, but after all, who are you to judge me. I don't have to show you my love towards anything, while maybe people these days only see what they want to see, and only believe what they want to believe.
To put it another way round, someone may post whatever he/she likes on Facebook, but that's only part of his/her life. It's too bad that majority of the people would judge him according to those posts, as in it's a whole life of him/her. Come on people, everyone of us has the right and freedom to share and not to, why must I being who you want me to be, rather than who I am?! You can direct me to take picture of this and that which I have no interest to but for your favour, maybe mine as well because I might learn, but please not with your judgemental words of "Oh God, you people have no sense at all..." sort of. Remember that if everyone has the same interest, same sense and same set of mind, then what's the point of you keep telling the world that you are you, and me is me?
...well...can't stop wondering why am I wasting so much time on those negative thoughts and actions when the world out there is just so worth of my life, the worst thing is I realized it and did nothing to change.
The truth is, I'm a very simple person. Any sight of the nature is breathtaking enough to overwhelm my senses. Yes, any sight of it, I'm just so easily being satisfied. Or I should say that, the Mother Nature is just so incredible, every part of it is perfect in its own sense and everything is again perfectly inter-related. Oh man, now I miss the time I was studying Biology in the Secondary School and Form 6...well, not just now, I always do. It benefits me, throughout my whole life I dare to say.
If you think that I'm having a sudden fancy towards the nature because of the trip to the Mount Kinabalu, then I'll prove you wrong. This trip is, after all a platform for me to express myself once and again. Love doesn't just grow or lapsed.
Hopefully, the day that I have to choose between the nature and the developed will never come (in fact it's happenning everyday around me). To a certain extent, I admit that I need them both. Worst comes to worst, I'll die with the nature. But then, who am I to make the decision? At the end of the day, it's all about natural selection.
Last but not least, I'm grateful towards EVERYONE that I have met during this trip, which is too many of them to name of. Without your presences and helping hands, I'm no way here. Thank you, from me whole-heartedly.
I love Mother Nature more than I could think of, even though I grown up in a kampung (small village). I was once being told that I don't appreciate the nature because I'm with the nature. 'Mr. Know it all', that's who you think I am, but I'm who I think I am. I appreciate your thoughts and critics, but after all, who are you to judge me. I don't have to show you my love towards anything, while maybe people these days only see what they want to see, and only believe what they want to believe.
To put it another way round, someone may post whatever he/she likes on Facebook, but that's only part of his/her life. It's too bad that majority of the people would judge him according to those posts, as in it's a whole life of him/her. Come on people, everyone of us has the right and freedom to share and not to, why must I being who you want me to be, rather than who I am?! You can direct me to take picture of this and that which I have no interest to but for your favour, maybe mine as well because I might learn, but please not with your judgemental words of "Oh God, you people have no sense at all..." sort of. Remember that if everyone has the same interest, same sense and same set of mind, then what's the point of you keep telling the world that you are you, and me is me?
...well...can't stop wondering why am I wasting so much time on those negative thoughts and actions when the world out there is just so worth of my life, the worst thing is I realized it and did nothing to change.
The truth is, I'm a very simple person. Any sight of the nature is breathtaking enough to overwhelm my senses. Yes, any sight of it, I'm just so easily being satisfied. Or I should say that, the Mother Nature is just so incredible, every part of it is perfect in its own sense and everything is again perfectly inter-related. Oh man, now I miss the time I was studying Biology in the Secondary School and Form 6...well, not just now, I always do. It benefits me, throughout my whole life I dare to say.
If you think that I'm having a sudden fancy towards the nature because of the trip to the Mount Kinabalu, then I'll prove you wrong. This trip is, after all a platform for me to express myself once and again. Love doesn't just grow or lapsed.
Hopefully, the day that I have to choose between the nature and the developed will never come (in fact it's happenning everyday around me). To a certain extent, I admit that I need them both. Worst comes to worst, I'll die with the nature. But then, who am I to make the decision? At the end of the day, it's all about natural selection.
Last but not least, I'm grateful towards EVERYONE that I have met during this trip, which is too many of them to name of. Without your presences and helping hands, I'm no way here. Thank you, from me whole-heartedly.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
这个世界其实很美好
朋友误以为上一篇文章是出于我笔下，担心我发生了什么事。
想对她说放心，我不是个好学生也没有上过明星学校，所以不用担心。那只是一篇收藏了好几年的剪报，不久前不小心从笔记本里掉了出来就拿来分享，希望有激励的作用。
我承认“自杀”这个念头曾经无数次的浮现在脑海里，有好几次拿着爸爸的剃胡须刀片在手腕和身上“比手划脚”的，却没有划下去的勇气，还想象说拿个桶来装血才不至于‘太早’被发现而死不成。现在的我其实还蛮感激当时的懦弱，不然我真的会错过很多美好的事情。
幸庆那已经是步入十九岁以前的事了。现在的我忙与盲到没时间去想它，更何况每一分每一秒钟的我们都在接近死亡，我还急什么啊！当然，最重要的是，还有很多我想完成的事情。虽然我没有别人的胸怀大志，也不是来拯救地球的超人，但是我一样可以拥有独自美好的平凡，毕竟Steve Jobs只有一个，就算是复制也是需要代价的，不是吗？
是社会无形的压力把你逼到自杀的地步，抑或是你选择的？其实只要你不要像我一样常常把事情“想埋一边”（广东话），这个世界也可以很美好，真的，只要你我愿意。
p/s:
心里还是很感激那位朋友的关心，虽然我们认识不久，她总是能让人感动。
像上次跟她道谢她有份送的生日礼物，她回说:''……I should thx you bcos I get a friend" 之类的，感慨自己没有她一半的善良。
Thursday, October 6, 2011
为什么我没有自杀
文：吉畂
从小我就是个好学生，一路年上明星高中，人人称羡，我也误以为自己得天独厚，直到大学联考放榜，我只考上一个吊车尾的冷门科系。这才知道我的巧克力盒中也有失败的苦涩。
在大学里课业压力明显减轻，我方眼看着周遭的花花世界，感觉很陌生。也终于有时间低下头来好好审视自己---我究竟是谁？或者有什么价值？结果令我很失望：我原来只是个光有好学生头衔却什么都不会的废人。我逼自己狠狠批斗自己：其貌不扬，没有专长，甚至说不上来有什么兴趣，就算死了，也没人会为我惋惜掉泪。这样的人，活着做什么呢？于是“自杀”的念头时常盘踞在我的脑海，大学生涯更是过的灰暗又封闭。
直到有一天，无意中读到报纸角落一篇短短的寓言故事，我整个人才“轰”地清醒过来。故事大概是这样：
有一只雄壮威武的公猫，甚得母猫的青睐，日子过得得意又自在。一天，它捉到一只老鼠，打算玩弄一番后饱餐一顿，忽然它瞥见小老鼠严重的疑惑：“你为什么要捉我？猫为什么要捉老鼠？”
它被这样的问题一下下问倒了。“对呀！我为什么是只猫？又为什么要捉老鼠？”
它愈来愈瘦小，不复以前的英姿焕发，它还是固执地想找出答案。终于它变得和只老鼠一样弱小，一只狗很轻易地逮捕到它，准备好好折磨一番，它像当初那只老鼠一样质疑地问：“你为什么要捉我？狗为什么要捉猫？”
但狗根本不理它，两三下就把它弄死了。
我不禁哑然失笑。自己正像那只猫，一位宇宙中存在着特定的“标准答案”，一心一意想要追求答案，却忽略了答案其实就在我们每天所过得生活中，吃饭、穿衣、睡觉、学习、付出、爱人与被爱。是我们该去腻于生命意义，而不是等待生命来定义我们。
从此以后，我再也没想过“自杀”这么一回事了。
******
这是很多年前收集到的剪报，想说和大家分享分享。
Friday, August 12, 2011
-No title-
I found words to be so powerful.
Sometimes people think that what we have had expressing is all that what makes us. You are right, in the sense that if it doesn't, it wouldn't have came out from my mouth at the first place.
But, think twice...Should we presume it of representing the whole cell of a person?
Silence doesn't imply that we care none, so do you who have been spoken out all the way care more than the rest do.
The same thing applies to action as well. What people do in the eyes of you never show the true them, it might because of the incorrect timing.
This might also be the reason people saying that ''Never judge a book by its cover''.
Maybe this is what our dearest PM misconceived, and he presumed that rakyat-rakyat who never joined the 709 rally a month ago physically to be specified, are in his favour.
Sometimes people think that what we have had expressing is all that what makes us. You are right, in the sense that if it doesn't, it wouldn't have came out from my mouth at the first place.
But, think twice...Should we presume it of representing the whole cell of a person?
Silence doesn't imply that we care none, so do you who have been spoken out all the way care more than the rest do.
The same thing applies to action as well. What people do in the eyes of you never show the true them, it might because of the incorrect timing.
This might also be the reason people saying that ''Never judge a book by its cover''.
Maybe this is what our dearest PM misconceived, and he presumed that rakyat-rakyat who never joined the 709 rally a month ago physically to be specified, are in his favour.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
I expected myself to know nothing about how the real legal profession works the moment I decided to be an attachment student, and that is why I have to learn as much as I can from every opportunitiy that I could possibly get.
The fourth day of intern is just few more hours to come, yet, I found myself to have lost.
From what my masters told me, I interpreted it as knowing nothing is not important as long as you want to learn, I mean learn from the heart.
Not feeling shameful to share that I had got myself scolded today by who I have have admired long since the first time I watched him speak as a lawyer. There are billions of exellence lawyers out there but not all are to be admired, and humbly saying that I am so very lucky to have two incredible one as my masters at the same time, this is amazing, isn't it!
Back to the main point,I know by myself that it was my wrong, which I should have think before I do anything, and make it clear about what and why I am doing, not to mention thinking twice. These were also advices from him the very first time we sat down and talked.
I am feeling so shameful, not because I got scolded, but that I never take my brain out of the room. Maybe they have already expected an intern student to be their burden, but I should not have taken that for granted, which I never do, seriously. I just feel so very guilty for making extra trouble, more when I could not do anything to reduce their burden at this moment.
At one point, I start to think of the reason which had put myself in this position. The conclusion which I could get is that maybe I haven't know what I actually want in life yet. That's why I always lost. Worst thing is that I am having no solution.
Maybe, this is not something that I should have avoided right now, but to learn from it. Life isn't easy, but not very tough also. Life isn't short, but isn't really long also. I have better appreciate everything that happens in my life, they are meant for me, and this is my life. Things happen for a reason, you never forget that right Chai Hong.
After all, we are all humans.
The fourth day of intern is just few more hours to come, yet, I found myself to have lost.
From what my masters told me, I interpreted it as knowing nothing is not important as long as you want to learn, I mean learn from the heart.
Not feeling shameful to share that I had got myself scolded today by who I have have admired long since the first time I watched him speak as a lawyer. There are billions of exellence lawyers out there but not all are to be admired, and humbly saying that I am so very lucky to have two incredible one as my masters at the same time, this is amazing, isn't it!
Back to the main point,I know by myself that it was my wrong, which I should have think before I do anything, and make it clear about what and why I am doing, not to mention thinking twice. These were also advices from him the very first time we sat down and talked.
I am feeling so shameful, not because I got scolded, but that I never take my brain out of the room. Maybe they have already expected an intern student to be their burden, but I should not have taken that for granted, which I never do, seriously. I just feel so very guilty for making extra trouble, more when I could not do anything to reduce their burden at this moment.
At one point, I start to think of the reason which had put myself in this position. The conclusion which I could get is that maybe I haven't know what I actually want in life yet. That's why I always lost. Worst thing is that I am having no solution.
Maybe, this is not something that I should have avoided right now, but to learn from it. Life isn't easy, but not very tough also. Life isn't short, but isn't really long also. I have better appreciate everything that happens in my life, they are meant for me, and this is my life. Things happen for a reason, you never forget that right Chai Hong.
After all, we are all humans.
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